It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

I have been having a time for the past couple of months. My stress level has stayed at an all time high. I also had a couple of medical issues that added to that pile feeling overwhelmed and slightly defeated. But, I have found my way back. I think I'll alternate the negative summary of what has been going on, with the positive new changes shaping the future.

I am thrilled we are going into spring! It is my favorite season. Easter at our house really set the tone for the new season too. We had a beautiful holiday with our children and grandchildren, and took everyone out to dinner. I am looking forward to taking long walks with my husband on Sunday mornings through our neighborhood.

Both my husband and myself have had to work very long hours and have brought a lot of stress home. It's hard to criticize our jobs because we both are very grateful for having very good jobs and the ability to provide well for our family. I could never say thank you enough to my husband for going above and beyond to take care of us. He does a lot of extra things in order to make our lives easier. He is the most honorable and committed man I have ever known. Our children are blessed to have that security and role model. I found my really not liking the work I was doing. Many things contributed to that, but the real root cause was that I had slowly climbed up the management ladder and ended up with my life revolving around my job. And I was not OK with that. I want to like my job, love my friends, and live for my family. So I started a new job. Fingers crossed, so far I love it. I am trying to be cautious in my optimism.

We have a new grand baby on the way, due in December. I will go slowly with details because it is very early, and I do not want to jinx anything. Next Christmas will be exciting with a newborn, a 1 year old and a 2 year old. Timing sucks. With my husband's birthday on 12/14, granddaughter's on 12/17, and mine and the grandson's on 12/25, we really could use a birthday in the summer. But, boy or girl, we are ready! This grandma thing is the greatest thing ever invented!

I have a lot of people living in this house still. 5 of our children and the 2 grands, plus us. This is  it stressful. I am glad we are able to help our kids, but it seems our lives never get easier, and my expectation was that would at some point. Being a parent since I was 18, I was looking forward to a time when I lived without kids in my home. We realized a while back that we would have our Autistic son maybe forever. But because we have a big enough house, when things get tough, or hey just do not have a plan, they come here. Not a lot of gratefulness either. Some do not understand the concept that if they want to do what ever they please, they have to live in their own house. I hate conflict, and believe we deserve a drama free home. There is a line between helping and holding them back from becoming self sufficient adults. We are seriously considering down sizing our house to have limits on how we can help grown kids.

Other news... Last Prom for us is next weekend. Or last one until the grand kids are in high school. You wouldn't believe how many homecomings and Proms we have done! Hubby and I have tickets to see my boyfriend Prince in a small venue, here in Denver, in May. I. Am. So. Excited! We are trying to plan a trip for our wedding anniversary in June. I expect it will be pretty local and over a weekend since we are starting the planning so late. Found out (for the millionth time) that the mother of my step daughter once again over stepped her boundaries on that rare occasion one of the girls was visiting her. She allowed the 18 year old to get a tattoo on her back without even consulting us. We noticed it while Prom dress shopping. I am sure she and our daughter think she is the coolest mom ever. This happens over and over. I have SO MUCH I'd like to say on that, but will not. I have been seriously impressed with our daughter that just had a baby in Dec. She has mellowed out a lot and is a great mom. The last few years with her has been a challenge to say the least.

Among my blessing are that I have a strong and solid marriage. We do not turn on each other in tough times. We are both patient when life is kicking the other one's butt. He is my rock, my BFF, and my comfort zone. These years are just flying by and at times we are holding on for dear life. But I never question his love for me and I know we are destined to grow old together.

Today I plan to enjoy every moment and feel all my blessings. I have a huge weight off of my shoulders and need to make additional life changes to continue a positive journey.

Holiday Hoopla

How was your holidays, Laura? Are you glad they are over?

Any holiday at our house is amazing. Just the large family gathering and making memories is a beautiful thing. Of course there is an enormous amount of planning and hard work that goes into each production. I am 100% positive I could start a business as a professional party planner.

We have more than just the holidays this time of year. Every single person in our family (11 of us), has a birthday between Oct-March. It looks something like birthday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, Holiday/birthday/birthday, holiday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, Really.

Grand daughter turns 1!

Let me address the Holiday/birthday/birthday.

This last Christmas, our daughter who was due on 12/31, gave birth to our 2nd grand child. A beautiful almost 7lbs baby boy. This also happens to be my birthday. I think it is bizarre to have 2 people in a family have the same birthday, that also happens to be Christmas.

New Grand Son

I put in more work on my birthday than any other day of the year. My one rule is that I do not go anywhere on Christmas. Rule broken this last Christmas. We spent about 6 hours at the hospital. It was, like the last grand baby's birth, a family affair. My daughter was in labor while everyone was opening presents. When I realize we were probably were going to need to leave for the hospital soon, like a mad woman, I made my magical Christmas breakfast with hot chocolate. We all (minus the woman in labor) quickly inhaled it and pack the car.

Daughter in labor Christmas morning

Baby's going home outfit.

New Year's Eve was mellow. Our kids, and now 2 grand kids, stayed up and rang in the holiday with a toast of champagne, or sparkling cider, depending on age. I did get my first kiss of the New Year from my husband, and I watched my daughter wrestle the baby daddy because she wanted her first kiss to be her new little boy and he wanted it to be him. 12:05am, the living room cleared out.

This year we will have our youngest child turn 18 years old in about 1 week, and go off to college in the fall. The 5th child will turn 21, and the new baby will turn 1. I wish I could say the house will be quiet, but we currently have 4 of our kids and both grands living with us. I do not believe we will ever experience that whole empty nest thing.

I am glad the majority of the holiday/birthday season has passed, but there still are a few more events to plan and execute. I do think our children appreciate the work we put in in order to make each event special. I hope the kids do the same for their families.

Who am I kidding? I will always be the unpaid professional party planner for this family.

Proud Grammy

Why I am Thankful

Every year we take one day to express what we are thankful for. Yes, we all know that if we did this on a daily basis, we would be happier and more grounded humans. But we are humans. We easily get sucked into the craziness of life and before we know it, we are complaining about what we don't have and what we want that other people have.

I spent all of yesterday like every other Thanksgiving. My husband andIi stayed in the kitchen all day listening to music and cooking. We have this holiday routine worked out beautifully. We each have our own dishes we make. The children wander in and out of the kitchen stealing bites and joining in the conversation. This was our 12 Thanksgiving as a family. I realized that we have celebrated close to 200 holidays/birthdays/celebrations together as a family. Amazing. There are still so many to come. Hell, we have at least 6 to go by the first of the year!

Our family tradition is that we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. No one is let off the hook. It is so interesting how what the kids say has changed over the years. Yesterday I was overwhelmed at how mature and grown they all are. They clearly know what their blessings are and were happy to share them.  I said I was thankful for another holiday with the family and that we are all healthy. But I really had much more to say. I didn't want the food to get cold and I didn't want to hear any moans or groans. So this is my more comprehensive list...

I am so thankful for my husband. It is difficult to put into words what emotion those words bring up as I say them. His friendship has been constant and rock steady for almost 30 years. He gives this entire family a sense of security. His unique personality has shaped this family and will continue to through the future. I have never had one reason to doubt his pure love or commitment to me. He is example to our children for how to keep your family a priority, how to love unconditionally, and how to never loose your sense of humor. Our sons know how a good man lives his life, and our daughters have high expectations for how a man should love them. He brings color, flavor, and music into my world everyday.

I am thankful for our children growing into beautiful adults. It is a tough ride through the adolescent years. We now get to see some of our children as their own, unique grown up versions of themselves. Sometimes they are very different than us, and other times we see and hear ourselves in them. They are each in the process of planning and shaping their lives, and each have their own motivations and inspirations. We enjoy spending time with them when we all get together. It is interesting to have adult conversations with them that you never had before. They are growing wings and starting their personal adventures.

I am thankful for our home. Over the years, as we moved into new place, each residence felt like home base. I am grateful that my husband and I are able to provide that home base, a safety net, for our kids. It feels good to come home. It feels safe and comforting.

I am thankful for my job. I worked very hard to get to where I am in my profession. I have never wanted to climb the ladder to the top, but I am grateful for the rung I am on. It challenges me and allows me to help provide well for my family.

I am thankful for me. I never gave up on me. I had to be my own hero and support system at times, and I survived with beautiful memories well taught lessons, and a strong sense of who I am am. I love my imperfections, and I will always have another goal to work on. This all may seem strange to some people, thanking myself. But if you had any idea of the details of my life, you'd get it. I never let myself down. I figure out how to change direction when I was going down the wrong path. And I never put anything before my family.

Absolutely nothing is perfect in my life. Just like everybody else. Sometimes I fight the messy chaos of life, and sometimes I embrace it. I choose to embrace it today.

I need a personal assistant

It has been a long week or so for me. I have been seriously ill, and I was throwing my daughter her baby shower right when I was feeling my absolute worst. But I survived. I am still only functioning at maybe 75%. I am tired of being sick.

Every single time I do a big party at my house I swear I will never do it again. I always bite off more than I can chew, and do not get the help I need to not be completely stressed. Everything turned out beautifully, as usual, but I really didn't get to enjoy the party much. My husband loves to have the parties at our house, but will never understand how much work it takes to pull them off. The day of the event he takes off to do 'errands' and shows back up after the guests have started to arrive. By that time I am pissed at him and scrambling to to do everything at once. His best friend, who is always at our parties, has seen this routine for the past 12 years. He stepped in and really helped me. I was so grateful.

One thing is for sure, my daughter is 100% ready for this baby. She is really focused and excited. So is the baby's daddy. I think this will be good for her. And I am really excited to see this little boy. This kid has WAY too many clothes. REALLY nice stuff. There is almost nothing they need now and the hospital bag is already packed. Pray this baby comes closer to his due date of 12/31. With my husband's, my first granddaughter, and my birthday in December, I really want him to have his own day. I think New Year's Day (or eve) would be great.

So, on to the next event, Thanksgiving. I really feel much better about this event. First of all, we had to do a bunch of house projects in order to get ready for the baby shower. So, now the house looks decent and is cleaner and more organized than before the baby shower. Wouldn't matter anyway. There is no need to try and impress our kids. The grocery shopping for the holiday is almost completely done. Not a lot of pressure on the day. Hubby and I stay in the kitchen all day listening to music, talking and cooking. It feels warm and cozy in the house and all the kids should be there for dinner, with all the respective significant others. We eat late, because number one, we are slow in cooking, and number two, the kids who are in relationships go to the other family's house before ours.

After Thanksgiving I will allow myself to think about Christmas and the granddaughter's 1st birthday.I cannot mix all these things together. It is too overwhelming. I am always jealous of people who get their holiday shopping done before December, but I am resigned to the fact that I will never be one of those people. It is ok. We always have an amazing Christmas.

These are times I am grateful for our big family. My husband mentioned that sometimes he wishes for a simpler life. Sometimes I do too. But that is not our life. And our family is growing every single year. Hubby and I talked about how we would never move away from our children and grandchildren. Family is the center of everything for us.