Miko's 21rst Birthday!

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Happy 18th Birthday, Kiara!

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Time to get in control

I have finally been able to take a full 2 week vacation from work. The last time I took 2 weeks was for my wedding, almost 5 years ago. The first week was preparation for the event, and that was a lot of hard work. But, I am not going anywhere for this vacation. I am just chillin' at home. And it feels wonderful. I have stayed in a no stress state for almost 5 days now. Every part of me feels better.

So, I decided to do a little work on myself, now that I have the time. I had to clearly think about what I really need to have happiness and fulfillment in this journey. The very first thing is that I want to get healthy again. Between an enormous amount of stress and chronic pain, I have just let life take over me. The stress causes me to be tired. And I have stress from several different places, my work being the worst. It is not always like a sitcom having a big family. I do feel blessed for having such a large, beautiful family, but bumps in the road are daily, not occasionally. There has been a decrease as they are older and can do more for themselves, but not is the added stress of them being grown and still living at home.

The chronic pain has worn me down. I am exhausted from coping with it everyday. It caused me to stop wanting to be very physically active. But I am having long talks with myself about doing regular physical activity anyway. The pain won't lesson, but other parts of me will feel better. I am on high blood pressure medication and that has really helped the symptoms I was having for that. My body just is not very happy.

I started a support group on Facebook for moms wanting to get healthy. I think that will help. I already knew these women, and their weaknesses are identical to mine. I feel like I have no self control, and that is crazy. After all the things that I have been through, I can get my self control back.

I thought about pampering myself during this time off. I wrote a list of things I would love to have done. Pedicure, nails done, hair trimmed and color brightened, dye my eyelashes (never done that before), spray tan (Lords knows I am not going to get tan any other way), new outfit, and if I had the money, permanent eye liner. I don't have that kind of money. I did do my hair color. No one noticed, but that is the usual response. I still have naturally blonde hair, but it get dull. The color just brightens it. I love it though.

I want to use my time more wisely. I go from multitasking and going 100 miles per hour, to sitting on Facebook for 2 hours. I want to get back to writing more. Not having any women friends that I talk to on a regular basis, the writing has really helped. And I think it really decreases the stress as well.

I am not looking to find a new me, I just want to feel a little more in control and lessen my stress. Letting life take over just makes it go a lot faster and you miss enjoying the details.

I like me

Regardless of how other people view or think about me...I like me. I believe I am completely normal, which means I have lot of flaws and great gifts, like the majority people.

It took years to get to the me I like. My path has a crap load of mistakes and lesson learned the hard way. Completely normal. I do not have an extreme personality. Have you ever watched reality shows like 'Wife Swap'? It never ceases to amaze me about how they continue to find people who live an extreme life- religion, organization, hobbies, etc. I can't apply for those shows. I wouldn't have enough drama to attract viewers.

I don't think I deserve any trophies for 'Exceptional Parent', but I believe I have done a good job. I finally realized that you can't always judge the parenting by the finished project. I learned some tricks,  like, don't listen to other parents who say their children never had any bad behavior, lied, or embarrassed them. Those parents are either in denial or heavily medicated. I also learn that there is no 'end of the rainbow' moment. You don't ever complete the task.

I finally got the whole relationship thing. I thought I would NEVER get it. I take responsibility for my short comings and I committed my heart, mind, body,and time to my marriage. I take in and find joy in the mundane moments that are what is the glue of a marriage. I finally put the baggage down, and used that energy to practice patience.

I pushed myself to reach higher. I re-evaluate my life and my happiness with it routinely. I give as much to myself as I give to others. I have maintained a healthy sense of humor through the rough patches. I inspire others and find a connection to almost every person I meet. I have no problem apologizing. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I will always strive to be healthier, but I know what about me attracts others. I take pride and have confidence in my skills. I don't think I initially take criticism well, but in the end I do listen and try to see if I could a better me.

As I think about who I have been and where I have been, I know I am a better Laura than 20-25 years ago. I don't need someone else to tell me that I am a good person. I can do that myself. And being my harshest critic, I can trust the source of the compliments.

It's pretty cool to think, if I live another 43 years, I will have figure myself out half way through the journey. It makes life so much easier.