I Am The Glue

I like me

2012-01-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

Regardless of how other people view or think about me...I like me. I believe I am completely normal, which means I have lot of flaws and great gifts, like the majority people.

It took years to get to the me I like. My path has a crap load of mistakes and lesson learned the hard way. Completely normal. I do not have an extreme personality. Have you ever watched reality shows like 'Wife Swap'? It never ceases to amaze me about how they continue to find people who live an extreme life- religion, organization, hobbies, etc. I can't apply for those shows. I wouldn't have enough drama to attract viewers.

I don't think I deserve any trophies for 'Exceptional Parent', but I believe I have done a good job. I finally realized that you can't always judge the parenting by the finished project. I learned some tricks, like, don't listen to other parents who say their children never had any bad behavior, lied, or embarrassed them. Those parents are either in denial or heavily medicated. I also learn that there is no 'end of the rainbow' moment. You don't ever complete the task.

I finally got the whole relationship thing. I thought I would NEVER get it. I take responsibility for my short comings and I committed my heart, mind, body,and time to my marriage. I take in and find joy in the mundane moments that are what is the glue of a marriage. I finally put the baggage down, and used that energy to practice patience.

I pushed myself to reach higher. I re-evaluate my life and my happiness with it routinely. I give as much to myself as I give to others. I have maintained a healthy sense of humor through the rough patches. I inspire others and find a connection to almost every person I meet. I have no problem apologizing. I am more comfortable in my own skin. I will always strive to be healthier, but I know what about me attracts others. I take pride and have confidence in my skills. I don't think I initially take criticism well, but in the end I do listen and try to see if I could a better me.

As I think about who I have been and where I have been, I know I am a better Laura than 20-25 years ago. I don't need someone else to tell me that I am a good person. I can do that myself. And being my harshest critic, I can trust the source of the compliments.

It's pretty cool to think, if I live another 43 years, I will have figure myself out half way through the journey. It makes life so much easier.

Oh, yea...Asperger's

2012-01-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Dare me to write two blogs on one day? I accept that challenge!

I haven't said much about my son who has Asperger's Syndrome. That last post was probably about our blow out celebration of him graduating high school. That was such a big deal then. Now that moment is long gone. He has changed dramatically since he has graduated. I believe high school made him very depressed. I asked if other students bullied him and he said no. I think he just really saw how different he was and it made him sad and uncomfortable.

I got him signed up with DVR (Denver Vocational Rehab). They place him in a temporary job to evaluate his work skills. They provide him with a bus pass and the pay is a little over minimum wage. He is doing great. After he got his first check, I took him to open his own bank account. Now he has his debit card and you can tell he feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. He can purchase stuff on line, like video games. He does his laundry when he has no more clothes to wear to work. He came upstairs at 11:55pm and celebrated New Years with the family. I kissed his cheek at midnight. He enjoys the holidays and family dinners, but as soon as the gifts are unwrapped, or he is finished eating, he disappears again downstairs.

He loves to go walking. He walks for hours! Sometimes he is going someplace and sometimes he is just walking. For Christmas I bought he a new watch, snow boots, and new gloves/hat/coat. Now he can head out walking and be warm and comfortable.

He is happy. He is what what we call 'Derek Happy'. That means we can see the difference. Other people may not. It has helped me a great deal when it comes to worrying about him. I am starting to feel like he is becoming an adult and he will have a fulfilling life. He is so easy going and is pleased by simple things.

He is the balance in our family.

Daughters

2012-01-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

You would think I feel like an expert on this subject. But I don't. I am not sure that expert is an option in that field.

I have 1 biological and 3 step-daughters, plus 2 biological sons and 1 step-son. We have been a family for over 11 years now. I feel awkward using the term 'step children'. I have been as much as a parent to them as I have been to my own. And this family is exactly like a family with all blood related siblings, good and bad.Step parenting ain't for sissies.

I love little girls. I love tiny 3 year old little girls who think they are grown. I am looking forward to this with my granddaughter. They are sassy and bossy and have big personalities and want to be just like mommy. They think you are the greatest person in the world and you feel like you can protect and guide them. But they keep growing after that.

At about 11 years old they are trying to figure out who they are without you. They become self centered and goofy. The silliness is fun and sometimes you see your little princess in there and melt remembering previous years.

At 15 they are trouble. They know everything and they see the parents as old and out of touch with the real world. Their identity is weak, so they are easily swayed by young boys telling them they are pretty. They still have the dreams of being someone great, but their brains think only far enough ahead to decide what outfit they are going to wear to school tomorrow. They don't see value in family time. The world revolves around them. Sassy means something different at this age. This is where a mom either wrongfully decides to be their friend/big sister, or gathers their strength to be a rock solid base of maturity and control as a mother. Those beautiful little girls that you use to sit and do their hair, will try to change everything about how they look. And you will wonder why such a beautiful face would want to cover it all up with makeup. You lecture and they pretend not to listen.

So I always thought that the next step was they turn 18 and magical the revert back to the personality of the little girl you knew a few years back. Nobody told me that, and I didn't do that, so I have no idea why I thought that.At 18 the struggle is not over yet. Think about yourself at 18. I didn't have both feet on the ground. I thought I was a grown up, but in reality I was very naive. I still thought most of my identity was wrapped up in who I was with. Or in revolved solely around the mother I had become at 18 years old.

Why am I writing this blog? I had a long text message conversation with my 17 year old this morning.She is unhappy about her life and says she hates it. She says she has messed up everything. She desires to fix what is wrong. In one sense she is maturing. But she cannot see her life past, at the most, 20 years old right now. I said to her that she hasn't messed up her life. She is still trying to put her life together. Mistakes happen so expect them and learn from them.

I have said to her and all my kids, no one has control over your happiness but you.

I sit here and worry. But I know there are lessons that must be learned for themselves. Strong women have stories to tell.

I can only be a support from the outside. She is putting together HER life. I may not, no, I WILL not, agree with all the choices that our children make. It is very different and very difficult parenting to not have the control of the outcome.

All these kids, and most are living in the house today as I type, and I am still feeling some empty nest feelings. When they say that kids grow up fast, you have no idea.

You blink and they are walking away and heading out to be a grown up.

And you are standing at the front door yelling,

"YOU NEED A JACKET! YOU ARE GOING TO GET COLD!"

Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-31T13:31:00.000-07:00

Grandmas are like moms with extra frosting...

2011-12-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

On December 17th, 2011 at 4am in the morning, my husband and I became grandparents for the first time. Our new granddaughter's name is Aspen Jade. Our beautiful daughter, Miko, did an amazing job during the delivery, and 8 family members got to witness her arrival. It was an amazing, unforgettable event.

Mommy and baby live with us, as well as several of our other children. Fights break out on the regular about who's turn it is to hold her. Our daughter seems to glow with the pride of being a mommy. The baby is simply gorgeous, and fiesty! Current nickname- Ali, for Muhammad Ali. When she is mad, she starts boxing.

Miko's baby shower was spectacular! It was like planning a wedding reception! But it was all worth it. I believe she will have to change outfits every 30 minute in order to even wear everything 1 time. Friend and family were generous and we were completely ready for the princess when she got here.

The baby's daddy stayed here at the house anticipating delivery, and was there for the entire delivery, and now is here most of the time to help with the care. I am proud of him. Everyone was curious as to how this baby would look, since both mom and dad are 1/2 black and 1/2 white. She is a perfect combination of both.

It will be impossible for me not to show her off and talk about her on the daily. I apologize in advanced. But this was a wonderful new chapter in all of our lives and we have years of memories to come!

New Year... Same me.

2011-12-31T11:55:00.001-07:00

Another yer comes to a close. This is the time we think about what this last year brought and what our feelings are about that. This is what I have come up with. I will try to put these in order of the least to most important things in my life.

My job. Many people are struggling terribly in this economy. So, coming from that reality, we have been blessed. My husband had been out of work for a long time, but we manged to live our lives with few changes. He is now working in a position I believe he likes and has potential for growth. He grumbles that the job is not challenging, but he is able to be independent and not be saddled with the rules and games of a large corporation. The money isn't terrible and he may have opportunities in the future to move into different positions. My job never lessened in the stress area. I love the moments where I am bonding with my co-workers and feel that people trust my knowledge, but I am tired of everything I do being difficult. It is like walking through knee high mud. I know that I am bless to be compensated like I am. But sometimes the pay does not equal the sacrifices.

Our home. Everyday I look around my home and think about how much I love it. Partly because of the size and our ability to take care of our large family, partly because the neighborhood is so beautiful. Partly because the things in our home are what we as a family have collected over the years. Partly because is is wonderful space to have great celebrations. Partly because our master bedroom is a completely separate calm retreat from the chaos in the rest of the house.

My health. I don't know where to begin. As I have for the past 5 years, I struggle with chronic pain. I had to add medication for intermittent high blood pressure. I am currently in therapy 2 times a week. I don't any significant changes coming in this area. I am tired of the issue. I know my husband is too.

My friends. This is interesting. I have friends at work that I have known a long time. But the reality is, I have no real life friends, except my husband. I do not talk to friends on the phone. I do talk to my on line friends. That seems to be enough. Having friend at work is a precarious situation. I am their boss.

My family. Obviously the most important thing in my life. It would be too tedious to list the coming and going of our children from this house. The 16 year old will be 17 in July. She is doing great. Just looking forward to her senior year in high school. The 17 year old was kicked out of the house for not following the house rules. She is staying with the boyfriend's family. She and I talk more now than when she was at home. Couple of months and she will turn 18. The 19 year old and her boyfriend stay with us. Both work and are trying to get back out there on their own. They already tried once, but circumstances brought them back. The 20 year old, who has Asperger's Syndrome, graduated high school this year and is currently working part time, living at home. I see much more lightness in his step. He is enjoying his gaining independence. The other 20 year old, turning 21 the beginning of March, had her first child on December 17th, 2011. She and the baby live at home and the baby daddy is here a lot to help. She also finished up all her school work finally. The 24 year old is still living with his girlfriend and her family. He is doing well, but I hope he decides on a plan for his life. The 27 year old is working full time and also lives with us.

My husband and are amazed how quickly this year has gone by. We became grandparents for the first time and that experience gave me a clearer view of what is important in life. Our relationship continues to grow stronger and deeper. We rarely argue. The biggest issue is finding time when we are not tired to spend quality time together. Age is making life at this pace exhausting. Frequent naps are required.

I do not have big New Year's resolutions. I need to get back into shape, but I am not going to make that resolution. With the constant stress on my plate, at least for now, I think I would be setting myself up for failure. I want more of the same for this coming year, except less stress and no new diagnoses. I am hoping to see permanent maturity in some of the kids. I vow to spoil my granddaughter completely. I plan to remain the glue.

Shifting the focus

2011-11-12T11:58:00.001-07:00

Like everybody else, the older I got, the more stressful life got. I have definitely struggled more than I have coasted. It got so easy to only think about what problems lay before me. That long list of things to get done or projects to complete. So easily one can loose sight in the joys in life that make the struggles worth it.

I used to think that I was supposed to be stressed about everything all the time. I never did anything for the sake of just making myself happy. But you can get burnt out so fast by that. I took back my weekends. I now grumble when I have chores and rebel against doing them. If I want to do something to make me happy, I do it.

The best thing I have done though is to always have something positive to look forward to. Currently it is a baby shower for my daughter next Saturday. I have completely enjoyed working on the party a little at a time.I am anticipating how much fun it will be and how nice it will be to see everybody. Of course this makes me happy. And sometimes, that just needs to be the goal.

Moms are constantly praised for their selflessness. And moms deserve that. But in order to take care of others, you must feel strong and positive. Sometimes that means taking care of ourselves as well as we take care of others.

Advice- Do you today.

Yes, I am still here

2011-11-07T20:11:00.002-07:00

Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier.
~Albert Schweitzer

Life is flying by and I am hanging on with both hands.

Life has been good. Busy, but I think my quest to become more grateful for what I have is working. I catch myself taking in the moments and realizing that I have everything I have ever wanted in life. That thought calms me and allows me to enjoy more and stress less.

I often have thoughts that I want to deactivate this blog.I am not sure why I have this tug
-o-war with myself. One day I want to stay closely connected to my friends on line and know this is really the only way I can participate in friendships to. But a part of me, that has been getting louder, wants to not talk or be talked to. I think that is just a phase, and I will regret pulling away altogether.

Update (short and sweet) everyday
We have the 26 yr old, two 20 yr olds, and a 16 yr old living at home now. Our daughter is expecting our first grandchild in Dec., my husband has found a job that he truly loves and has potential for more later, and my job is just a regular day to day adventure. Currently I have minimal stress, and that feels odd. My relationship with my husband is beautiful and I feel the warmth from that blessing everyday. As of the day after tomorrow, we will have survived 4 out of the 9 birthdays for this birthday season.

Of course, the BIG birthday this year will be year will be the grand daughter's day of her birth. Everyone is excited for this.We have a wonderful baby shower planned this month and our daughter has been glowing through out this pregnancy. I am impressed with how positive and mature she has been. My hubby and I are in full grandparent mode and we are loving it. I think we both were having a little baby fever.

My son with Asperger's Syndrome is doing much better since graduating high school. Last week he began his first job. It is just part time. He seemed excited and I think loves having something he has to go and do. I was initially very worried for him when it came to him getting to the job and doing something new, but he hasn't had any problems yet and looks confident.

I am thoroughly happy with the changing seasons. I am less enthusiastic about the recent time change. When it is dark coming home from work, it feels like the day is over too quickly. But today I enjoyed just coming home, putting on comfortable clothes, and chilling in our warm, compfy home. I am anticipating that I will want to go all out for the decorations for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year.

I think I have gotten used to the new life with so many of our kids being older. It has taken some time to feel comfortable with the changes that have happened. Most of our kids are adults now. We do not have to worry about every little single thing with each of them. They have lives and are making their own decisions, whether that is good or bad. No more fighting over clothes or having to rush home to fix dinner for 6 or 7 people, and no more fighting to get them graduated.

Don't get me wrong. It is not rainbows and puppies. One of the girls is struggling a lot due to very poor decisions on her part. But some lessons have to be learned the hard way in order for behavior to change. We rarely even see one of our sons. He rarely comes to the house, 1-3 times a year. The grocery and electric bill decreased some, but not significantly. My issues with chronic pain do take a toll on my energy level and I am starting to think I am peri-menopausal.

I think I will try a little harder to blog. I think it is good for me brain to get the thoughts out from time to time.

Family

2011-08-20T18:59:00.001-06:00

Family is suppose to be a word that instantly gives you comfort and strength. Reality is that not everybody has that reaction. You can't choose your family, or at least your extended family. The relationships are complicated, and the importance of those those relationships varies from person to person . All families have a little dysfunction, and many have more than enough.

I have a twisted view of family. I barely know and have weak ties to most of my extended family. Due to who I was raised with, I didn't connect with most of the family. I stayed in survival mode until I began having a family of my own. I don't have anyone to call, except my husband, when I have good or bad news. There are no traditions for holidays with members of my family outside my home. I don't look for any one's opinion of me and my life choices or acceptance. I have never had to.

But i am fiercely protective over my immediately family- husband and kids. Now, there are enough of them that I hardly notice who isn't there. But I still have my moments when I am sad that I don't have a bigger clan to belong to. I love my husband's parents and siblings, but he isn't closely attached to them either. We really have build our family values and traditions from raising our own children together.

I do wonder what it would be like to have a sister come into town to visit us, or Sunday night dinners with relatives. I do not have a mother or a father to show off my children to. There are no hand me down recipes, jewelry, or heirloom furniture. I have managed to accumulate a small amount of photos of some of my relatives that have past away, like my mother and my grandmother.I try to past down to my kids anything I can to bridge what they do not know. I sang my mother's lullaby to my children when they were infants. I tell the stories I was told about people in the past. I don't know how to explain why we are not close to anyone.

But I cannot imagine having responsibility to more family than I currently do.We have built traditions and expectations from our children as to what family means. And now we have one more branch budding on the tree, a granddaughter on the way. She will never know anything but grandparents that have been involved in every moment of her life and aunts and uncles that she will see constantly.I do live within the kind of family I dreamed of.

I am actually surprised at the type of family I have helped to create. Without having a blueprint or a model, I did good. I feel far more blessed than blue over what is missing. When I look to my future, I can only be excited for years filled with MY family.

This journey started out rocky, but I arrived in plenty of time to enjoy the beauty of what truly matters.

Good Man

2011-08-17T21:10:00.000-06:00

What is the definition of a good man? I wonder how I would have answered that question 10, 20 years ago. I don't think other people's description of what a good man is counts. As a woman, it is something you have have figure out for your own life.It is just like trying to figure out how to be a good woman. It takes time and experiences. And plenty of mistakes.

Being a provider for your family always is at the top of the list of qualities of a good man. But paying the bills is not the definition of that. A man not only thinks about the needs of today, but the growing and changing needs of the families future. Providing for your family includes security, guidance, and wisdom.

There are all kinds of thoughts on what a family should look like. Many try to choose the husband or the wife to be the head of household. In a strong stable partnership, both people have power and make decisions based on what is best for the family. There are times when mom takes control and times when daddy knows best. I don't get defensive when it come down to who is head of household. My husband is. But, I have a good man that only does what is in the best interest for the entire family. And my influence and wishes are always taken under consideration.

I cannot imagine defining a good man with out evaluating him as a parent. I am sure there are plenty good men who do not have children, but in my experiences, the real test of a good man is who he is as a dad. Where do his children take priority in his life? Has he or will he sacrifice for his kids. Does he identify his self as a father when he describes himself? Does he do actions today with purpose to influence his children's lives years down the line?

The way a man handles conflict of any kind shows his worth as well. Does he think before he speaks in anger? Does he choose to fight or flee in conflict? Can he say I am sorry if he is at fault?

No man, no human is perfect. But we all can aspire to have integrity and compassion, self awareness and the willingness to learn and grow. Perfection shouldn't be the goal.

Revolving door

2011-08-08T00:12:00.002-06:00

8 years ago, all seven children lived at home. The oldest went off to college. A couple years late, the next oldest moved out on his own as well. Last fall when one of the girls turned 18, she promptly moved out. So, there was four kids living at home. That 18 year old came back with a significant other and grand puppy. That brought it up to six. Recently the 17 year old moved out. Come Sept., the oldest one will be back for a month. And of course, the new grand baby is due to "move in" in December. I can barely keep track. As long as I have my nice quite room to retreat to when I get over stimulated, then I really enjoy the house being full.

My husband and I have been having a blast buying things for the grand baby on the way. We have gone way over board, but are enjoying every minute of it. I think we both were having a little baby fever, and this came at just the right time. We are bargain gurus. We have managed to buy a nursery full of absolutely beautiful things from thrift stores and Craigslist. Every thing is yellow and green right now. We are begging our daughter to not find out the sex of the baby. We would love for it to be a surprise for everyone. Her Ultrasound is tomorrow. She is thinking about it. The nursery is jungle themed and green, but we have bought a lot with yellow ducks and frogs. Frogs have been our daughter's favorite animal for forever. Baby Gap has the most adorable outfits with frogs.

I had enough of our 17 year old.She has been disrespecting our house by not following any of the rules. I have tried to be patient, but I could no longer tolerate the attitude that she could come and go as she pleases, and doesn't need to answer to anyone. She has moved in with family of her boyfriend. Now she is telling everyone that her life is so difficult because her mom doesn't love her. My obvious answer was that if I didn't love her, I wouldn't care if she was running the streets. I love her enough to parent her appropriately, unlike what I assume the people are doing for her where ever she crashes at. She will be 18 soon. I think this is one of those kids that is just going to have to learn some hard lessons all by herself. I adore this beautiful, smart, caring child, but she will have to learn that mom does not play. Struggle never hurts anybody. It helped me grown stronger. She doesn't have to struggle, she chooses to. Her room is empty. She has the choice to be here or not. But if she is here, it will be under our rules.

Both my husband and I have noticed how much more relaxed our 19 year old son, who has Asperger's Syndrome, is. He seems less depressed and stressed than when he was in high school. I think the whole thing really took a toll on him. He often goes out walking around now to get out of the house. He put on his head set, plays some kind of music, and sing way off key as he bounces down the street. He NEVER use to listen to music. I need to start getting a plan together for him. I'd like for him to start working, at least part time. I know he would LOVE the money to buy computer gadgets.

Two of our girls are now working through this summer. That's nice. They have lives of their own and more control. They seem happy too. The 18 year old is working in fast food and that is pissing off her father. He wants her to start college this fall. Financial aid has been an issue, so I think she is waiting for another semester. The 16 year old is the ONLY kid starting school this fall! I am so excited. She loves school and I know she is looking forward to going back.

I have been struggling (still) with the pain I have in my neck and shoulders since before my spinal fusion. I am getting Physical Therapy twice a week now, and it has been great. One of the PTs that works for me has a Rehab Clinic. He is doing it for free for me. My insurance had sent me to PT, but the co-pay wasn't worth the 15 mins. they wanted to do every couple of weeks. I tried acupuncture and was very disappointed, plus $90 broker. I do get relief for hours after the PT now, but the pain always comes back.

I have put back on they weight I lost last year. A lot of my joint aches and pains have returned as well. I am pretty sure it is my thyroid again. I have not been taking my medicine correctly. Bad nurse. I am going to focus on getting that back on track. I am kind of shocked how sensitive my thyroid status has been since I was diagnosed.I never realized how much of an issue I have.

I mostly feel happy and blessed nowadays. I am trying to find ways to decrease as much stress as possible. With each year that I get older, I realize more and more that the stress just has never been worth it. But I have found that even when I change my attitude and approach, others around me stay the same and easily drag me back into the stress cycle. This is really something I need to work on and have success at.I need to deflect other people's high strung, addiction to chaos.

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.”
-Buddha

'Money won't buy you happiness, but it will pay for the search.'

2011-07-09T17:32:00.001-06:00

I was searching through the Internet looking for more creative ways to save money. I came to find out they we already do most of the thing suggested. I was pretty impressed with myself. Hubby and I grew up not having a lot. Me especially. Being poor has never scared us. We have not been together almost 11 years and we have never fought over money. We either have it or we don't.

We shop in bulk, shop at the dollar store, buys clothes at the thrift store, shop on Craigslist and EBAY, we have a Netflix subscription, cut down on cable, don't hardly buy coffee from Starsbucks (unless it is a celebration or for therapy), we do not use the dry cleaners, I don't get my hair or nail did, we buy almost everything in a generic brand, hubby packs me a lunch for work (don't hate), our cell phone carrier is Cricket (seriously cheap), we always wait for new movies until they get to the dollar movies and buy the candy and pop cheap and sneak them in, and we have no debt on credit cards.

There are some things that I really wish I could get good at, like, couponing, planning meals in advanced, and cooking from scratch and using leftovers better.Food is the issue.I now have 8 people at home, and they ain't little people. Anything else I could do would help, except I am too damn tired to do anymore. Life is exhausting.

The only are we could do WAY better on is going out to eat. We would save a lot more money if we all didn't love to go out to eat.In part we go so often because we are exhausted from the days work, or from having to fix meals 3 times a day for our small army every single days for years and years.When my husband and I are out running errands, it becomes a mini get-a-way without the children. Quiet time together as adults. We love to try new restaurants. We love to dress up and review the ambiance. We love to pretend we are wine connoisseurs and pick decedent desserts. But if we had our choice, we love to go to a couple of our favorite diners with the kids. Comfort food, fast services by quirky people and huge portions. Our kids have been blessed to be in such a large family and still be taken out to eat so often. They don't see it that way.

Yes, home cooking is less expensive, probably better for you, and can be a family or couple experience. But, I like not thinking twice about doing any of the clean up. Just going home, puttin' on my jammies and curling up in front of a movie. It is not a thrifty habit. It's a cheaper habit than golfing or traveling.

I have issues

2011-07-04T20:31:00.001-06:00

We all do. Hubby and I spent a good bit of the 4th addicted to watching 'Hoarders'. The stories seem unbelievable. I mentioned to hubby that he has a slight hoarding instinct. I have managed to keep it well under control. He told me I was a hoarder also- of pictures. Not sure that is the same thing...but OK. We talked about our quirks and how we got that way.

I am always worried about if there is enough food in the house and if everyone has eaten. We constantly have enough food on hand to live through an epic natural disaster. I think this comes from being raised by my mom who never had food in the house. I mean there might have been a can or two of veggies and some condiments. My husband tries to be patient with me constantly running down everyone in the house, if they have eaten and what. I am very protective of Derek because of his Asperger's Syndrome. If there isn't something there that he is use to fixing, he simply won't eat. But, he will be 20 in Oct. I am sure he would fix something before he starves. I think.

Holidays. I am obsessive about having picture perfect holidays. My mother was dirt poor and never celebrated a holiday. I tried to go over to my sister's house when I could. There were no traditions or pictures. I don't remember a birthday, Christmas, or graduation present from my mother ever. Now other people bought me a lot to make up for that, but it upset me to know that she never made any attempt. Holidays usually consisted of her getting very drunk, excusing that on some made up tragedy, and ending up in the hospital. I wear myself out to give my family the kind of holidays and celebrations that I wish had been for me.

I always have to have the house clean. I want the kids to always be proud to bring someone home. I was embarrassed when I lived at home. It caused me a lot of stress and made me depressed. I want my kids to feel safe and wish to be at home. They are now teens and older. No amount of cleaning will keep all of them at home. But I know that they know they have a stable, safe, comfortable home base.

Photos. Everyone knows I am obsessed with capturing every moment. I will never apologize. I have no pictures of me growing up. I can barely pull up the memories. I cherish the few I have of my mother. I love to share my photos of the family I am so proud of. I watch our videos and look at the pictures all the time. I get a great deal of enjoyment from reminiscing.

Both myself and my husband are terrible about buying too many clothes.Good news is that we love to shop at the thrift stores. We do give as much as we buy, so we are not swimming in piles. Both of us agree that we do this because neither one of us had a lot growing up. We like to look nice and be thrifty at the same time.

In the bigger picture, my issues are mild. But the lesson is that life will effect you in some way. You just try to learn some good lessons and not become dysfunctional. Not sure I have accomplished all that, but it is a process.

Blessings, strength, and sanity

2011-07-02T00:34:00.001-06:00

I am tired of having to be responsible for fixing other people's messed up personality traits. I have other important things to do. Why can't other people fix their own issues. I cannot do it much longer. I will need to make a change or 2 in order for me to avoid letting my head explode. I am too old and tired to have to deal with this kind of completely unnecessary drama.

I spend a good bit of time now staying focused on what is important and what are my blessings. I spend a lot of quality time with my husband, and as much quality time with the kids as they will allow. Hubby and I take off in the convertible and find stupid ways to waste hours of our time. We are certainly getting good use out of the Mustang! We always end up eating out, usually hit the thrift stores, and now we are constantly checking out baby stuff for the new grand child on the way. There are so many great festivals around Denver we are trying to make- Pride Fest (we went and had a blast!), Greek Fest (Totally missed it and it's 2 blocks from the house), Cherry Creek Arts Festival (this weekend), Black Arts Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, Renaissance Festival...

Every chance to celebrate something we take advantage of it. Recently we went all out to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary. Kudos to my husband. He is amazing and did a wonderful job on our anniversary. He made reservations at a restaurant I once said I wanted to go to. He also brought me lunch and flowers to work and several beautiful fragrances.and a gorgeous glass, decorated perfume bottle. He is truly the light in my life. Day in and day out I look forward to seeing him and spending more time with him. We have a lot of fun years left for us.

I like hearing all the kids at home. I have a bedroom that can truly get me away from everybody if I need to be.The kids are fun to talk to now. They are older and have opinions and senses of humor. The girls have been bonding quite a bit now that they see more of each other. Everyone is super excited about the baby. And our youngest has learned to drive. Everything is 180 degrees different from this time last year. They all do their own thing a good bit of the time.

We will have a full house house for this 4th of July weekend. If I take anymore pictures of the kids, they will wrestle me to the ground and take the camera. I am just hoping for a relaxing and rejuvenating holiday. I need to clear my head, and have a clear game plan for survival of my sanity. I must find better ways than bitching to relieve my stress and anxiety. Got any good suggestions?

Support Systems

2011-06-11T20:52:00.005-06:00

A friend went out of her way to let me know how inspiring I was to her and how much she admired me for having survived and thrived through adversity. Of course I smile and said thank you, but deep inside it stirred up old feelings. I am sad when I think about alone I was at times. Everybody assumed I would be alright, and I was. I never really knew what was missing in my life until I had children. I found myself saying over and over, after they were born, "No one did these things for me, or with me."

I raised myself while surviving being in a "home" with a severe, non-functional alcoholic single mom. I felt sad for her life, but because I didn't know how parents are suppose to be there, it never dawned on me to expect something else. I did end up with a big emptiness inside, but I had no idea for probably 10 years after high school, where that came from. Her overwhelming dysfunction drove all of the family away. No one really checked to see if I was alright. I could have spun out of control. I could have fallen into a life of finding harmful ways to fill the emptiness.

So, as I struggled and tried to figure out how to construct my adult life, I had no one for any type of support- spiritual, financial, emotional, or physical. I assumed all adults did it that way. I spent 8 years across the country in another state, and my mother called me once, and my first visitor came the day before I left to help me drive the truck back.

I feel jealous when I hear women say that family is coming to stay with them after they had a baby or friends are bringing home cooked meals when they are sick. I didn't have anyone to tell when I got straight 'A's in college as a single mom. No one threatened my ex when our relationships got physically abusive. There was no one to ask to borrow money for diapers or to watch the kids while I napped. I respond in my jealousy by saying these woman are weak and fragile. I wish I would have had the option to have a minor breakdown or say, "I just can't do all of this." I never utter the phrase "I need help." There was no one to say it to.

Yes, I feel bless to have gained these strengths and develop such strong survival skills. But I wish I didn't have a life where I had to use those day in and day out. I think it wore me out early in life. Now I struggle with guilt for not multi-tasking or just being lazy for a few hours. I don't deserve guilt. It's stupid.

I have recently found out that I am going to be a grandmother for the first time! I am thrilled. My daughter lives with us. I immediately made her first MD appt., and myself, my hubby, and her sister came along for support and to see the first ultrasound. My husband bought her the prenatal vitamins and discussed with a pharmacist medications she can and cannot take for a cold. I have bought her pregnancy and baby name books and have already bought a pair of maternity capris jeans and a few beautiful baby items. My husband and I have planned to move her into a bigger bedroom in the house and we have begun looking at all the cool baby gear we will start purchasing.

THIS is what I wanted my life to look like. My mother NEVER bought any of my children one thing. No one came to ANY of my MD appts. But this is how I can let go and move on. I can do all these things for our children. I can make an example to them of how you support and be there for your children. It's a wonder that I even know how to do it myself.

I guess being called a survivor reminds me of what I missed out on. I sincerely mean the 'thank you' when I say it.I am not bitter. I only carry a little bit of baggage. I have been tossing more baggage out the window everyday I get older.

You know what I always say? I am the Glue.

Life Soundtrack by Prince

2011-06-07T20:34:00.004-06:00

If you are wondering why a middle aged mother of 7 is writing about Prince, you don't know very much about me. You and I are not on a first name basis.

True story. Today at my daily morning meeting with my employees, they asked me what was the holiday today. I found a great website, Holidays 2011 Each morning we come up with a holiday to celebrate. Such as, June 1st is "Say something nice" day. June 4th "Do Dah Day" (Salute to silliness). June 17th is "National Flip Flop" day.Love this one- June 27th "Please take my chldren to work" Day. Read that one carefully. We have celebrated "National Duran Duran Appreciation" Day. Gotta know '80s music for that one. And everybody's favorite, "Mike the headless chicken" Day. Yes, that is a link to the official website, and yes, you do want to check that out.

I announce that today is Prince's birthday. She asks, "Prince William?" I just stared at her and burst into laughter. I said "Prince-the artist!" The group almost died laughing.

I have been a fan since I was 15 years old. I used to trade services with a neughbor when I was in high school. She would cut and perm my hair and I would clean her apartment. One day, instead of doing my hair she gave me 2 albums. Michael Jackson's "Off The Wall" and Prince's "1999" I had only hear a little of a couple of Prince's songs before. I was instantly crazy for this double LP (children, that is an actual record) of highly sexually charged, funky and danceable music.

The summer between my freshman and sophomore year in high school, "Purple Rain", the movie, came out. It was my first blind date. I was so excited because the evening movie showtime had sold out and we were going to see my first midnight movie. I had never attended any music concert before. Try to remember, MTV came on in 1981. This is 1984. I could not believe how amazing the musical performances were. 'Darling Nikki" was SO nasty. And I loved it. That fall our homecoming theme was "Purple Reign" (Our school colors are Purple and White) I danced with the Pep Squad to "Let's Go Crazy". Tell me that wasn't perfect timing at a perfect age!

Everybody knows who Prince is. Most think of the 1980s Prince- Purple Rain, Little Red Corvette, Kiss, etc. They whine about how he couldn't make hit after that. He is washed up. He went weird when he changed his name to a symbol. Wow, what they do not know. That's OK. Keep thinking that. There are enough fans for me to compete with for his attention. LOL!

Ask a real musician what they think of Prince and they would probably say he is a genius. How many albums has he realeaseds? 48
26 studio albums
5 soundtracks
2 live albums
5 compilation albums
10 internet albums
How many instruments does he play? Over 25 variations of guitar, bass guitar, piano, keyboards, drums, percussion and don't forget his voice.

Over and over he has been celebrated as the best live performers today. I agree. I saw my first concert in May. How many songs has he written? I read that there are over 1,000 know songs written by him. Many are unreleased. He covers many genres.

This is why I love him. He changed what I liked in music. I was like most people. When I saw a live performance from an artist, I expected it to sound just like it does on the radio. If it didn't, I didn't like it and ended up not liking the artist or band anymore. The more I listened to the extended and live versions of song from Prince, the more I loved them. He is more a musician and artist than a performer. I was told that if I didn't like a song when I first heard it, wait and play it every so often. When I stopped expecting every song or album to sound like each other, I fell in love with more and more songs.

I do get a lot of crap because people think he is girly and weird. Fine. He is. But he is also brilliant and has a song for every mood I have or situation I am in. I am in awe of the talent and his willingness to keep taking new paths. I may be wrong, but I doubt he cares about making a radio hit today. Today's top of the charts artists rarely play an instrument or write there own songs. Or have any talent, for that matter. His lyric "My only competition is, well, me in the past."

Would I leave my husband for Prince? Um...well...hell no. I love his music, but I am in love with Keenon. Prince will always be married to his music first. No one can compete with it. My husband may very well be as eccentric as he is anyway.

My husband and I used a quote from our first dance song at our wedding as a quote for the top of out invitations. The song is 'Adore" by Prince. "Love is 2 weak 2 define just what U mean 2 me." And in our vows, without anyone knowing, we used additional lyrics from that song-
"I'll give U my heart,
I'll give U my time,
I'll give U my body,
I'll give U my mind.
4 all time I am with U and U R with me"

Prince music is the soundtrack of my life.

Mila's Graduation

2011-06-05T03:40:00.002-06:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Derek's High School Graduation

2011-06-05T03:19:00.003-06:00

Class of 2011

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Graduation BBQ

2011-06-05T02:37:00.009-06:00

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Positivity

2011-05-30T22:18:00.004-06:00

I know we all have a choice in life to view everything in a more positive or negative light. Maturity does allow you to see the lesson in everything.The concept of staying positive is wonderful. But the reality of finding the rainbow in every storm is much more difficult. Nobody likes to play hostess to a pity party. But, life is much more complicated than just 'turning that frown upside down.

I recurring theme in the recent past months of my blogs has been change. If you were lucky (lol) to have read any of my posts in my blog before I deleted them, It has caused stress, frightened me, made my husband and I grow closer, amazed us, and there have been tears of joy, as well as tears of sadness.

We have 5 children over the age of 18 years old. 2 are over the age of 21. 4 have completed high school. 1 has completed college. 3 do not live at home. 4 are in serious relationships. I am not sure we could get more than 2 to go on vacation with us. They are learning some tough adult lessons right now. My husband and I are getting more time to spend with each other. No one needs supervision around the clock. Their decisions have to be respected. We are becoming bystanders in their lives. Or maybe just part time participants. Their personalities are concrete and although that take away from us pieces of who they are, they are their own persons.

This list of changes is going to only get longer. Some things I will wait to share. The road is bumpy, but everyone is still hanging on. Family dynamics have changed. I am building friendships with some of the kids. Life is not terrible. Life is changing.

It is much harder than I ever thought to watch your kids become adults. It makes every other phase seem like a piece of cake. You have the same amount of worry, but are not in control of the decision making process. You start to see them picking up the baggage they will carry.

With 7 children we have it all. The highly motivated to the not living up to their potential. The party animal to the non-social. The artsy to the technical. The passive aggressive to the mighty mouth. Our one recipe made 7 different products. You start to wonder how much parenting does play a role and how much was going to happen regardless of the technique.

And yes, I do have a feeling of positivity. Everything is going to turn out alright. Everyone has their own path and there success will look different than the others. I cannot stand to see them repeat mistakes I have made. But that is how it is supposed to work. The maturity make take a bit longer for some, but it will come.

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.

Graduation growing pains

2011-05-17T19:22:00.007-06:00

I am bracing myself for a tsunami of graduation activity coming my way.

Both Mila and Derek are graduating from high school this year. Mila will graduate Sunday, May 22nd and Derek graduates Tuesday, May 24th. We are so proud of them AND of us. Mila has done incredibly through out school and has a million plans for her future. Derek has made it through a long and difficult journey and deserves to celebrate making it over the finish line.

I went with my son to school today to help him check out as a senior. It was chaotic and loud. There was very little organization and it was overwhelming for Derek. He asked me to stay the whole time. I was the only parent there. Not that any of those self centered, over dramatic, ready-to-get-the-hell-outta-here 18 years olds noticed. It really upset me in the end realizing that someone from the school should have been there to help Derek through it all. But, I did it. I sensed a huge weight off of him when it was over. I felt a weight off of meas well.

While we waited in line to pay off fines, I looked around a the same school I graduated from 24 years ago. That sounds like such a long time ago. It didn't seem possible that my husband and I looked that young at graduation. My high school graduation was a bigger deal than most people knew. I was graduating 4 months pregnant with my first son. When I walked and was handed the diploma, I literally said under my breath, 'This is for the both of us.'

We are planning a big party the Sunday following both graduations. My mother in law is coming into town to stay for all the events. I hope I will have everything ready for the company and the party. Here goes me making a crap load of lists, as usual. There are projects to do around the house, a menu for the party, dinner plans after each graduation, graduation presents.I always worry about what I won't get done, and yet everything always gets done. It's magic.

I went to a party last night where tarrot like cards were being used. They were for getting guidance from the angels. You had to think of a question that you wanted to ask the angels. I could never think of a question. The women at the party said I must be in a completely blissful life. I am not sure I feel that, but I feel little uncertainty. I do not need to ask if my husband and I will be together forever. There is no question in that. My questions are about my children's lives, but you cannot ask about someone else. And, I don't really want to know the answers to everything. I don't want to spoil the surprise or stress about things I cannot control.I know things usually turn out for the good. I really am an optimistic individual.I don't believe in cheating and getting the answers early will give me peace. I stopped shaking my wrapped Christmas presents a long time ago.

I used to always have questions...now I am getting some of the answers.

Maturity and Confidence

2011-05-15T15:20:00.003-06:00

Have you ever thought that you just had so much to say, but you couldn't even say what it is you want to talk about. I believe it comes from the multi-layering we do in our lives. We have to switch back and forth in our roles- mother, wife, sister, friend, manager, artist, motivated, scheduled relaxation.

I am now sensing my maturity more and more. And it feels good. I have no idea how it feels for other people, but I assume others have gone through the same. In younger years you pretend to know what you are doing so that you get the opportunities to give you the experience. Now older, I am quite amazed at what I do know. I see my confidence level as a strength. I do have fears, but I easily step over them. I just quietly dare myself to to do it, and I do.

Maturity does not mean perfection. Perfection is not only unattainable, but it sounds exhausting. I am (almost) comfortable with a little bit of a messy life. I am so glad I consciously force myself to be more flexible, with the help of my career and my husband. Spontaneity has brought more balance. I'd hate to think that my beautiful girls would fall into the same trap I did,thinking that everyone else 'had it all' and I was the one falling behind. We need a class in high school that is a realistic look at what a grown up life looks like.

I do still criticize myself far too often. Mostly I think of myself as lazy if I stop doing 10 things at one time. What, laundry and cleaning the kitchen only. You use to be able to fix a meal and help with homework at the same time. You are slacking! I am teaching myself to give myself permission to be lazy. Sit in bed and drink coffee while blogging. Watch a movie without going into the kitchen and wiping down the counter tops.

My husband told me that he was my biggest fan. He said it so sincerely. My competitive nature often drives me insane, but in the end, him believing in me is the only feedback I will ever need. How often can you impress someone that you have known over 25 years. I would like to, one day, impress some of my kids. But I believe that time hasn't come yet.

Half of the time I look at my life as a series of mostly hardships and struggles. The other half of the time I am in awe of how beautiful, complicated, and full it is. I am sure maturity is the reason. It seems like I learned a lot the hard way. But maybe that is the only way to learn most things so they will stick.

You cannot feel joy without pain or know blessings without struggles. The Yin and Yang of life.

Autism's Easy Button- Take II

2011-05-09T22:30:00.004-06:00

Previously on I am the Glue-

Laura found out that her son with Asperger's Syndrome would not be graduating, just 1 week before the end of classes. He failed a class and was put into a 'Credit Recovery' class to make it up. She finds out that he went once to the self directed, computer based class and never showed up again. His Special Education Councilor emailed Laura to say he talked to Derek and he was fine with getting his GED, after 5 years of high school. Laura went ghetto white girl shooting off emails and leaving messages for important people to call her back last Friday.

Monday, the story resumes...

I get a call from the Vice Principal who is over the Special Program at my son's high school, returning my call. Let me say how she started off the conversation, "I am just wrapping up things over here because I am moving on to being the principal at the nearest middle school." I think she should have approached me a different way. She tried to finalized the conversation saying that this computer class was the only way he could make up the credit. MAYBE she could get the computer lab person to check on him. Wait, I just realized what she said. Yup. There wasn't even a teacher in the class. I demanded to have her find another means of having my son take the class. She said she'd call me back.

At 1pm I received a call back from the Program Director for the Denver Public Schools Special Education Department. That was quick! I explained everything. He suggested I call an IEP meeting. I told him we just had his review a few months ago. Plus, I had already called another meeting after that in which my husband and I went together. He asked if I had plans for Derek after high school and I responded a vo-tech program in computers. He said we should put in his IEP the plans for post secondary education and what he will need to make that transition. I explained that this is Derek's 5th year in high school, and all of that is already in the IEP. He asked if I had spoken to the Vice Principal and I responded that I had. She thought the computer class was the only option, but she was checking into it. He suggested that I talk with his Special Education councilor, because the final say was at his discretion. Really? I said that I hoped I wouldn't sound to negative, but that councilor had not done anything. I had to jump in when Derek was failing everything the first semester and then had to do it again the second semester. I told him that he asked Derek what he wanted. Derek said a GED. That is not appropriate. The Director's response was, 'No, it is not.' He said he would pull up Derek's IEP and get back to me.

1 1/2 hours later I received a call from my son's Special Education Counselor. He called to say that everything was taken care of. Derek would be graduation in a few weeks. He wanted to apologize for letting him slip between the cracks when he failed that class, and didn't find a class that could give him the accommodations he needed. Sounded like he was repeating a conversation he had just had with someone else.

Derek doesn't care. I tried to talk to him about the whole thing. He said this year was horrible. The other students didn't treat him badly, but they annoyed him. And most of the classes were repeated material from what he learned before. He was in advanced classes at his previous high school. He said he wants a break before we talk more about college.

I need a break too.

This celebration is as much for me as it is for him.

Sorry. No Easy Button for Autism.

2011-05-07T10:46:00.003-06:00

Email from my son's Special Education Councilor to the teacher in charge of his credit recovery class (1 WEEK BEFORE CLASSES END!)

Hello _____,
Can you inform me about Derek’s Progress in your Credit Recovery Class?
Can anything be done to modify his grade in this class?
Thank you,
________

The response-

Derek only attended the class one time. He was enrolled in one of the online courses that day, but the system has long since locked out his account due to not logging in. I have been entering grades because he was enrolled on that day. If I need to go back and change those to missing or another code, I’m happy to do it.
...
He can start the Apex credit recovery class anytime and continue working until the end of June. Since it is a self-paced program, whether he completes it or when he’ll need to start is totally up to him. I have had students finish in as little as a few weeks and others take the entire school year.

Email to me-

Hello Laura,
Derek hasn’t been completing his required course work in his credit recovery class.
In order to graduate, Derek is required to pass his credit recovery class.

Next email to me-

Hello Laura,
Dr. Acuna and I spoke to Derek this morning and he said that he knew and made the choice not to go to his credit recovery classes.
Derek told us that he doesn’t want to make up his credit recovery class and wants to take his GED tests and be done with high school.

My email back. With my husband also dictating.- (take a deep breath , Laura)

So, I found out this morning that this Credit Recovery class he was in, is a self pace computer program with little supervision. Really? You thought Derek would complete that independently? I could have told you 6 months ago that he couldn't. If fact, I was very clear and involved from before Derek enrolled at South High School.

I wonder how many times I said that he has difficulty initiating projects and cannot or will not self advocate due to his disability. Everyone is still treating Derek as a regular student without any disabilities.

So, you speak to him and he gives you the answer you want. He says he wants a GED. 5 years of going to high school everyday, and you are ready to let that go to waste. I have a nephew that is low functioning Down's Syndrome that graduated high school. I keep getting feedback that everyone wants me to support what they are telling Derek. My support is not an Easy Button to make the Autism go away.

The school has to meet him where he is at. He is not going to be able to change because it frustrates you.

Derek knows the GED test will be a piece of cake for him to pass. But, a GED does not match the time and effort put into trying to get him a diploma or his intelligence level. If you were going to support him just getting a GED, you wasted a lot of his time.He could have done that 3 years ago, when he passed his ACT with a 22.

This may be a thorn in your side, but this is Derek's transition into adult life and it is important. My anger comes from how much I have had to learn about this diagnosis, and how much I have had to teach others what it is. I have stayed involved and tried to assist with ideas, but I am now facing all of that time just being pushed aside. Being an Alumni of South High School really adds to my disappointment.

My second email that I sent to his Special Ed. councilor, the school psychologist, his regular counselor, the credit recovery teacher and the assistant principal that is in charge of the Special Ed. program-

We worked last semester on getting all the teachers on board with modification to help Derek to pass all of his classes. Most of his teachers were wonderful about it, finding alternative ways to test his knowledge and if he had mastered the skills. I tried to help by offering some on line resources regarding teaching students with Asperger's Syndrome. He still failed one of his required classes going into this last semester at South High School.

So, he was put into a credit recovery class to make up the class he failed. The credit recovery class was a self paced program with little guidance and supervision. What a huge surprise that Derek found that to be difficult, so he just stopped going. Initiating projects and self advocating are the two things he has the most difficulty with. I don't realize how the class is set up until I received a phone call this morning saying he will not graduate because he has not been attending this class.

This was the only option for credit recovery for a kid with Autism. If this is the only option, we should have been told. He wasn't going to be able to pass this. Now now and not in the future.

I either have him return to South to complete this one class, that he didn't get enough support to pass in the first place, send him to Emily Griffith (after being out for a minimum of 2 months) and have him try to complete the credit (and there classes are self paced and independent as well), or take him to Emily Griffith to get a GED.

I want him to get a diploma. How do I do that?

These people are going to make me go ghetto white girl on them.

Laura meets Prince (kind of)

2011-04-30T20:27:00.010-06:00

This is way after the fact, but better late than never. I have had so many different things that I have been working on , that 2 weeks went by without sharing my crazy adventure with my husband to go see Prince play live.

For those who don't know me well, if I had more money and time, I would be a professional stalker of Prince. I have been a huge fan for over 25 years. Luckily, my husband does like him too. I owe every CD and have his symbol tattooed on the back of my neck.But, I had never seen him play live. In years past, when his concert would come through whatever city I was in, I was too poor or already had plans to be out of town.If I wasn't a Maid of Honor in my friend's 2004 wedding, I would have canceled the trip!

So, a couple of weeks ago, I see on line that he is going to do some concerts at The Forum in L.A. I am in Denver, CO. I also see that some of the cheap seats are $25. I go on the ticket purchasing website and search for tickets for a week away. It pulls up a set of $25 tickets. I called my husband and asked if he go if I bought the tickets and he said yes. I found super cheap round trip airline tickets and went back on to purchase the concert tickets. But now, I cannot pull up any seats available for the day.

So I decide to check for the concert on the day before, on Thursday. Instantly very good seats pop up to purchase. The time clock starts ticking at the bottom of the page because you have a limited amount of time to purchase those seats. It was more money than I needed to spend, but impulsively, I purchase 2 tickets. I was so excited.

I print out the receipt and read it. I did not purchase tickets for next Thursday, I purchased tickets for THIS THURSDAY. It was Tuesday afternoon at 4:00pm.

My mind went numb. How could I do this? I checked airline tickets and with such short notice they were hella expensive. So, I took a big, deep breath, called my husband, and told him that we were going on a road trip- TOMORROW. And he...was thrilled. That's why I married him.

We got the kids and the house ready, rented a car, packed up and took off. 16 hours later we were checking in at The LAX Hilton, 4 hours before the concert was to start. My hair and make up went perfect and we headed to The Forum.

Ready to go!

It was opening night in L.A., where Prince planned on playing 21 concerts. Great diverse crowd. Fantastic seats. His love symbol stage so he would walk around and every body could see him. Concert was scheduled to start at 7pm. But it began about 8-8:30pm. And boy, was it worth the wait! 3 1/2 hours, 4 encores, 40 songs.I danced and sang through every minute. He was perfect in every way, Reviews from long time fans that had been to many, many concerts of his said it was the best concert they had seen. I was so lucky to get to see him on that night.

The next day we toured around L.A. and ended up having dinner on the beach in Malibu.

We left the following morning and when we got to Vegas, we stopped for drinks, gambling, dinner, and sight seeing.

What a great, spontaneous trip. It was so much fun and I have tons of pictures. I am so glad we just decided to go with the flow and there are no regrets.

I had been wishing to see him live for so long that now when I have to make a wish, I cannot think of what else I want. And I felt so deeply blessed to have such a wonderful man to share it all with.

Build, Love, Restore

2011-04-10T13:35:00.001-06:00

This is an excellent time to share my new adventure. Like I don't have enough to keep me busy, right?

Several months ago I was introduce to an amazing woman, Mamay Worku, who is the founder and President of a non-profit organization BLR, Inc. (Build, Love, Restore). I recommend you check out the website. She started a project for helping to serve the needs of the indigent, elderly population in Ethiopia. She is an Ethiopian American citizen who has been here in the states since she was 18 years old. She is currently a social worker/Supervisor through the Denver County Department of Human Services, working in the area that assists people receiving benefits in getting back to work. She is also the board secretary for a National organization, People to People Global Network.

I was introduced to her by the national medical director for the home care agency I work for who met her at a conference in Washington. He is also Ethiopian and a member of People to People, The president and CEO of our agency is also Ethiopian, and he and other family members own medical equipment and home care agencies through out the United States.

I had no idea what to think when she came to talk to me about her project. It was a wonderful project, and her enthusiasm was infectious, but I had difficult trying to figure out how I could connect into it. Currently she is sponsoring home care to 10 elderly people over in Ethiopia. The care there is so desperately needed because they have no system in place for caring for these people. There are no nursing homes, welfare or health care programs, and usually the families take care of their elderly family members. But with the rate of death for young people with HIV/AIDS, there are many who end up destitute, homeless and begging. She is providing pay for workers to care for them where they live and some supplies for their care.The second part of her project in Ethiopia is to build a place to actually house homeless elderly.

She decided that with the huge African population here in Denver, CO, she would start a resource center to help the new immigrants integrate into the community. Navigating the social service programs, accessing health care, and dealing with employment and housing issues are a few things she wants to help with for all African immigrants coming to Denver. This office was also to serve as a Denver chapter for People to People.

It finally made sense as to where I could help. I offered her office space in the building my home care agency owns. She and I realized that if I hire African home care workers- RNs, C.N.A., and personal Care Providers, she can make referrals to my agency for this population. Now they would have the opportunity to receive care form someone that was more familiar with their culture.

So, for the past couple of weeks, my husband and I have been helping to get the center ready to open. We painted. My husband put up racks in a large closet so they can have a small thrift store to make money for the project. We still have to find more furniture, frame some of the beautiful pictures she has of the elderly patients they are serving over in Ethiopia, and planning an Open House.

We came very close to getting the Denver Mayor to attend our open house, but that fell through. We have invited some great people that really help to start the Denver part of this project on the right foot. The Director for the Office of Community Support for the Agency for Human Rights and Community Support, 2 Denver Commissioners, Pastors from local Ethiopian churches and hopefully the CEO and National Medical Director for my agency, who are located in Washington DC.

I was thrilled and honored when I was asked if I would serve on the Board for the organization. I have never done anything like this, but the opportunity to get involved with the projects is so exciting. Mamay is currently working on her 501 c 3 status so we can write for grants. She has many connection in DC and Denver and I certainly believe she will not have difficulty finding support.

This September I am hoping to travel to Ethiopia with her. She wants me to help write the curriculum for training the home care workers there. I am loving this. It is so different than anything I have ever done, and yet it is what I know. I will definitely be giving updates of the progress.

I am back.

2011-04-09T00:14:00.001-06:00

I did love my blog. But I did with it as I do with lots of other things occasionally in my life. I threw it out and decided to start something new. I am not one that freaks out with change. I embrace it. I like the shake up. It keeps me awake and stimulated. I have a kind of ADD. I just need to have a little challenge or opportunity to be working on something new. My only regret is that I didn't save the old posts. But, I do think many of them were very good, and I am looking forward to writing better ones. I will have to think a little more about Twitter though.

I think my first blog was a practice one. When I started I was learning how to make it look the way I wanted it to come across. I had to Google a lot because I really have no formal computer training. That was fun. I also read a lot of other blogs trying to decide where I fit in. Did I want to attempt to make any money off of it? Did I want to try and get 1 zillion readers? I am so competitive by nature, that's what I thought I wanted. But, over the course of little over a year, I really just wanted to share my life, brag about my kids, and substitute writing for therapy.

I am so sincere when I say that I love the people I have on line. I do think that I will not put a ton of effort into trying to make the most friends as possible. I love to nurture the friendships I have and find other interesting people to add into that group.

I have a lot of tweaking to do with this new blog. It is like scrap booking. I'll do it a little at a time. I definitely knew I was not going to change the name. It speaks volumes about how I see myself and my life. I think I do speak directly to women who have some of the sames situations like me. I love to read how other woman view life and use humor to cope. I hope they get the same from me.

I will also continue to write and promote my other group, The Interracial Family Organization. I feel passionately about having positive images of diverse families. It was what I found lacking when I went looking for it. I encourage any one reading this that wants to participate in the group to contact me. I would love to see more voices heard and more families featured.

Let me know what you think. I welcome the conversation.

Love, Laura